Great Expectations

Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.

When Mary arrived and saw Jesus, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.”   John 11:21, 32

Martha and Mary’s grief went beyond the loss of their beloved brother.  They must have been feeling like Jesus had let them down.  They thought that they had been close with Jesus, and that their brother Lazarus was special to Him.  So they had expected that when He heard that His friend was ill, that Jesus would come to heal him.  And yet, when they needed Him most, Jesus had not been there for them.  Though He had healed many other people, He had just let Lazarus die.  The sisters had to be feeling confused and hurt. 

You and I have the advantage of knowing how this story turns out.  We can see that this was all for God’s glory, but in the midst of their grief, Mary and Martha probably couldn’t see past the circumstances at hand.

And this is something I can relate to these days…

Since invisibility requires a certain degree of transparency, I have a confession for you today: I’m struggling.  Most of you who have followed my writings are aware of the somewhat unconventional lifestyle I have lived over the course of the past twelve years.  From a small motor home, to a larger, but still compact, portable home, I have not had the opportunity to live the “white picket fence” American Dream.  I have been (mostly) okay with this, understanding the blessing of being involved in ministry with my family.  But I guess I always had this expectation that someday that would change… that there would come a time when the Lord would settle our family in to a more “traditional” way of living.  So, naturally, as we prepared to make a life change: my son moving on to college and new ministry opportunities, my husband returning to college and pursuing a long-time dream - I believed that time was coming.  For many years, it has been my daughter’s dream to live in a real house and have a real room, settle into a real youth group (as just another teenager and not the freaky girl who lives in the bus) and make some friends she could see more than once a year.  My dream was to help make these things happen for my family.  Of course the Lord would be working out the details and everything would fall into place and life would be wonderful.  After all, I had put aside “everything” for the past twelve years for the sake of following His call.  I envisioned the great job He would provide so that I could support Jeff in his schooling, Nate in his schooling and ministry, and provide that home without wheels where we could have a happy life.  There would even be enough for Mill to ride horses!  We’d finally have income and insurance and all those things we “sacrificed” all those years…

Or apparently not!  The job search which began months before the transition continued for months after the transition, and has produced only part-time work that can’t really support ministry, school, or life.  There is no insurance, but plenty of need for it.  And we are still the freaks that live in the bus – only now we are freaks because we are young (under 55) and have a big dog in a trailer park full of retirees with toy dogs!

Martha was familiar with the miracle-working God.  He was her friend, so when she needed a miracle, naturally Martha called Jesus.  She knew that her Lord could do something about her problem in the earthly realm, but in light of her brother’s death, she didn’t seem convinced that He would.  She concluded that when Jesus said Lazarus would rise, that He was speaking of eternity – and she was okay with that, though it was not what she really wanted. 

Now I find myself wanting to say, like Mary and Martha, “Lord, if only you had been here…” 

Maybe this is where you find yourself today as well – waiting on Jesus to show up and do what you know He can do.  Maybe, like me, you’ve been asking for a long time – you didn’t wait until the last minute to cry out for help – and you’re wondering what’s taking Him so long…

Mary and Martha had asked Jesus to come while Lazarus was still alive, but Jesus didn’t even think about coming until two days later.  By the time He finally got there, Lazarus had been dead four days!

I guess what it really boils down to is this: when I sing, “Take my life and let it be all for You and for Your glory,” what do I really mean?  If it is for His glory that I be ‘four days dead,’ am I prepared to be, in fact, four days dead?  Or, have I been like the onlookers at Lazarus’s tomb who questioned Jesus and His motives (But some said, “This man healed a blind man. Couldn’t he have kept Lazarus from dying?” John 11:37)?

Tonight, it is not, ‘Just a thought..,’ – it is more of a prayer:

Lord, help me to face what is to come – whatever it may look like.  I give You my dreams and my preconceived notions of what I thought You would do.  Whatever brings You the most glory, please grant me the strength and courage to face it.

 Jesus responded, “Didn’t I tell you that you would see God’s glory if you believe?”  John 11:40