It's Just a Matter of Time

 Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.     Ephesians 5:15-16 ESV

My life these days feels pretty hectic.  Though my kids have grown up and are on their own now, I have filled my empty nest with children.  Currently, I have five - two in elementary school and three in middle school.  These children have very different experiences than the children I raised from birth.  Their needs are both the same and very different than the needs my own children had at the same ages.  I have had to learn to navigate both the foster care system and the public school system.  And about nine months ago, just as I was getting my bearings in one community and one school system, circumstances beyond my control sent me to a new community and a new school system for a couple of months before another move landed me in my current location.  I have had more major "mom fails" in the past couple of months than I care to admit, leaving me feeling helpless at times, hopeless at times, and completely inadequate for the task at hand.  And in the midst of all that, my list of things to do "when I have the time" just seems to get longer and longer.

I struggle.  Hence there has not been a post to this blog in over a year.  I've started at least a dozen posts in my head.  I've actually got a couple of half-written drafts in the history, too.  But time never seems to be on my side.  Or, at least, this has been what I've told myself.  But that statement is not exactly accurate.

Time is just a commodity.  It does not take sides.

I have told myself, "If I just had more time, I would....", and, "Someday, when I have time, I will...".  

But time is a constant.  There will never be any more or less of it than what there is.  I cannot manufacture more of it.  No one can actually rob me of it.  Each day has 24 hours - no more and no less.

My issue is not that I need more time.  I have the same amount of time as every other being on the planet.  And I will not have more time tomorrow than I have today.  I will not have more time next week.  I will not have more time next month, next year, when I retire, or ever.  I have the time that I have.  I may imagine that I need more time, but that is simply not reality.  What I need is to use the time I have been given in the most useful way possible.
  
The apostle Paul encourages the believers in Ephesus to look carefully at how they walk.  Walking is active - there is purpose in it.  And Paul says that it should be done with consideration.

And he says to make the best use of the time. 

Perhaps I will find more joy and less frustration in my days if I will stop "waiting until I have the time", and instead begin to actively, purposefully, and considerately use the time I have already been given, and use it wisely. 

That is the truth about time - not that I need more of it, but that I make better use of the time I have.  

It's been a long time coming, but it's....

Just a thought...