Provision and Gratitude

My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.  My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.     Psalm 63:5-8 ESV

Tomorrow is moving day.

As I have been simultaneously working through the lessons of the wilderness for my next book and reading through the Bible as I try to do each year, I am just beginning to understand how pervasive this business of wilderness struggle really is throughout scripture!

Currently, I am reading through the stories of David.  I always love to read of his faithfulness to the Lord, the grace of God in David’s unfaithful times, the redemption stories, and the stories of David’s “mighty men.”

I have just come through the season where David’s son Absalom tried to steal the kingdom from his father.  Absalom enticed the people with his words, and David fled from his own son.  He went to the wilderness.

There are so many lessons to be gleaned from that story, but this is the one that stands out to me this time.  David - the same David who as a young boy killed Goliath - left his palace and ran away from his son.  And when he left, he ran to the wilderness.

Psalm 63 was apparently written by David during this season of life.  In my Bible, the heading for the Psalms states, “A Psalm of David, when he was in the wilderness of Judah.”

David, the wealthy, powerful king of Israel went to the wilderness to get away from those who sought to do him harm.

As King David left Jerusalem, many friends and family went with him.  Though a large number of people of Israel had been enticed to follow Absalom, not everyone had been deceived.  Some went along with David; others stayed back to monitor and influence what Absalom would do.

But along the way – and this is what is on my heart this morning – along the way there were faithful people who came alongside David to encourage and to help. 

David was heartbroken and discouraged. 2 Samuel 15:30 tells us that David went up out of Jerusalem weeping.  He was barefoot and had covered his head, signs of humility and grief.  Along the way, word came to David that his trusted advisor had turned against him and conspired with Absalom. 

But, barely out of the city, David was met by Ziba, who brought transportation and food for David and those who were with him.  (2 Samuel 16:1-2)

On their way to deliver a message to David, two messengers being pursued by Absalom’s servants were hidden by an unnamed man and woman in Bahurim. (2 Samuel 17:17-20)

When they came into the wilderness, Shobi, Machir, and Barzillai came together to provide everything that was needed by David and the people traveling with him.  (2 Samuel 17:27-29)

All along the way – even in the wilderness – God was caring for David.  God had not forsaken David.  He had not stopped loving him.  He had not changed His mind about David. 

Yes, bad things were happening.  No, God did not stop them from happening.  I’m sure that had I been in David shoes (or rather in his bare feet), I would have been discouraged and confused and wondering why God hadn’t stopped the bad things from happening.

Probably, David was discouraged and confused.  Along with that, he must have been heartbroken.  He had not been attacked by an enemy, but by his own son! 

We want to be able to rely on friends and family.  We want to trust those close to us.  But sometimes, as in David’s case, those who are close and trusted are those who inflict the deepest wounds.

In those times, our faithful Heavenly Father sends others to come alongside to encourage and to provide.

I am so thankful for the Zibas and the Shobis and the Machirs and the Barzillais and the unnamed people who helped along the way! 

In this dark and confusing season, I am so grateful to those God has used to encourage us and to provide for us, when we really did not know which way to turn.  A word of encouragement, a shared meal, a place to stay…  so many blessings in the midst of the heartache…  God provides.

And so, as tomorrow is moving day, more change is coming.  It is so easy for me to become anxious in these times.  But I must cling to the God whose right hand upholds me, walking in the faith that He goes with me on the way.

He has been my help.

I am grateful.

…Just a thought… 

Get In Order

Do your planning and prepare your fields before building your house.     Proverbs 24:27 NLT

This is the verse the Lord brought me to as I began this most recent journey into being more intentional about my writing.

This verse speaks to me on so many levels!

I want a house.  A real house.  On a foundation.  No wheels.  It doesn’t need to be fancy – just stationary.  It doesn’t need to be big – I just want enough space for my family to have a nice time together in a space that we can call home.

I’ve cried (whined) to the Lord so many times about this very thing.  I have cried (whined) to my husband about it.  I have pouted my bottom lip like a disappointed toddler who has been denied a toy at the store.

Pretty silly, right?

But no matter how many ways I try to rationalize with myself why I don’t need a house right now, why I shouldn’t want a house right now, how I don’t even know where I would want said house to be, the reality remains the same: I want a house.

Now, I can’t find any scripture that suggests that this is a bad desire. 

So a few months back, we went looking for a house.  We went online, got “pre-qualified” for a loan, got connected with a realtor, and I thought I was actually going to finally get my house!  We found one that we wanted to look at, met the realtor there, toured the home, thought we’d make an offer, and then it turned out that while we were standing outside the house talking with the realtor, the house was sold to someone else. 

Which is just as well, because then we went back to the place that had pre-qualified us, and they decided that we weren’t qualified after all.

Which is just as well, because a couple of months later, things completely fell apart at work and now we are moving to a different area for a new job.

Which just goes to show that often God says “no” because He is protecting us from ourselves.  He knows what we are ready for, and He knows when the timing is not right. 

What this all points to is an “order of operations.”  You may have nightmares about this from middle school math class.  Some sadistic nerds even seem to enjoy torturing others on social media with occasional simple-looking mathematical equations that require using the proper order of operations to reach an accurate solution.  I get sucked in every time!

But there is an order of operations for life that the Lord has laid out for us in the wisdom of scripture.

Do your planning and prepare your fields before building your house

First do the hard work.  Then reap the rewards.

What a concept!

I like rewards.  We all like rewards!

The problem that we have is that somewhere along the way, we have forgotten this simple concept from scripture.  We want to get the rewards, but we don’t necessarily want to do the work.  And even if we don’t mind doing the work, we don’t want to do it first.

Enter debt.

Here in America, we have convinced ourselves that debt is just a necessary part of life.

Is it, though?  Debt is all about getting something before doing the work.  It’s buying what we can’t afford.  It’s using services that are unnecessary or poorly timed.  “Buy now, pay later,” is a motto that fuels our self-gratification while leaving us in bondage to creditors.  It stands in direct contradiction to the wisdom of Proverbs 24:27.

The Lord knew that we would be tempted to get the reward without doing the work.  That’s why He gave us specific instructions to the contrary.

Divorce.

Professional “burnout.”

Many of the frustrations we face in life can be traced back to an improper order of operations.

We want a perfect marriage, but we don’t want to put in the time and effort to build a strong relationship.  We get so caught up in looking for the raise and the promotion at work that we fail to develop the skills necessary to succeed and excel.

So, now is as good a time as any to start setting our lives in order.

First we need to do our planning.

Then we must prepare our fields.  Plow the ground.  Plant the seeds.  Water them.  Otherwise, we should not expect a harvest!

When we have planned and prepared, then and only then will we be ready to build the house.

Perhaps someday, I will get to build the actual physical house.  Perhaps not.  Either way, I’ll be ok.  My eternal home is being prepared for me.  Everything else, as they say, is gravy.

Setting our lives in order is not the sort of thing to be saved for the point where we believe we are dying.  It is wisdom from the Lord to produce a good outcome for us while we live.

Do the planning.

Prepare the fields.

Then build the house.

…Just a thought…

On Missing the Mark

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  Proverbs 3:5

Last week I missed a goal I had set. 

I stressed out over it, frustrated with myself over a matter of minor consequence.  I believed it to be a setback.  I believed that by not completing the rough draft of my next book in the time I had allotted for myself, that I had failed. 

Life happened.  It’s another one of those transitional times in my life, and if you’ve read very many of the things I’ve written, then you probably already know this: I don’t generally deal with change very well.

Some really great things have happened that have put me a little behind schedule. 

I spent several days away with my husband celebrating our thirtieth anniversary.  That was one of the best getaways we’ve had in the course of those thirty years together.  But I got a little behind in my writing while I was away.

My husband got called for several interviews and I traveled with him to the various potential job locations.  I was there to support and encourage him, to talk through logistics, to explore the areas that could potentially be our next stop along this journey, and just to keep him company.  Jeff got a couple of job offers, and we were able to talk through pros and cons and pray through some things.  It was good to be able to go along with him, but that put me a little farther behind. 

Now that we have a new destination in sight, it’s time to think about making our move and relocating the house on wheels.  While we are making this move, we needed to return our daughter’s dog to her for a while, and this meant taking a day to deliver Reggie and have a couple of hours to spend with Millie.  It was a good day, but stressful for everyone because as much as we all love Reg, he’s an awful lot of trouble right now.  His love for his people means that he barks incessantly when his people have to be away, and this is problematic in apartments and RV parks. 

So I took the day and met up with Millie, and we enjoyed a picnic and a hike with Reg, all the while trying to brainstorm solutions to the Reggie problem.  Apparently, she has not landed on the right combination to keep him quiet while she goes to work, so in his first day back, already she’s gotten a complaint from the neighbors.  And, because I am the mother, not only did I lose the day’s writing time to transport Reggie, but now I cannot focus well because I am worried about the possible repercussions for Millie and for Reg. 

😟

And so, as my mind works overtime, alternately berating myself for failing to meet my self-imposed deadline and fretting over child and dog situation, I have accomplished nothing in several days.  Which leads to more frustration and irritation.  And a headache. 

I didn’t really understand why I was tense and had the headache.  Since life fell apart about a month and a half ago, my headaches have actually become less and less frequent.  But here I am again, downing the Goodys and hoping for some relief.

My problem is pretty simple – and a little embarrassing.  I worry too much.  I trust too little.  I set out to write for you words to encourage you and to help grow your faith, all while I sit here in faithless worry.

My head and my heart are often at odds with each other.  Sometimes, I feel something very deeply in my heart, but my head says that it doesn’t make sense, and so I rationalize those thoughts and dreams away.  Other times, I know in my head what is true and right.  I’ve read it in God’s Word.  And I KNOW that Word is true.  But my heart is concerned and distrustful and weak.

And so I am brought back to one of the very first verses of scripture I memorized as a child – Proverbs 3:5…

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 

It’s a pretty simple, straightforward instruction.  Trust in the Lord.  Because we humans can be a little dim, the Lord inspired Solomon to say it again, a different way: do not lean on your own understanding.  Simple.

In theory.

Here’s my own little paraphrase: “Trust God, because you don’t always think right!”

I wanted the text of the new book to be complete last Friday.  It wasn’t.  I thought I failed.  I didn’t.  As it turns out, there was more that the Lord wanted to show me.  There was an important point I had not noticed yet.  My pastor brought it up in service Sunday. 

My “failure” was just God slowing me down, reminding me once again that His ways are better than my ways.  His thoughts are so much higher than my thoughts.  Instead of getting so introspective, lost in my own thoughts, here is yet another reminder set my mind on things above (Colossians 2:2) and simply trust that God’s got this earthly stuff under control.

That includes my book.

And the dog.

I just need to trust Him.

…Just a thought…

Lessons from the Pup

 In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.           Psalm 4:8 ESV

I was minding my own business Sunday evening, trying to get a little work done, when a text came in to my phone.  It was the lady at the kennel where we’d dropped the dog off for the weekend.  Reggie’s anxiety had gotten the best of him and he’d rubbed his nose raw trying to get out of the kennel.  She thought we might want to come pick him up early so that he wouldn’t hurt himself any worse.

I wanted to tell her, “No.  That’s okay.  He’s done this before.  That’s why he’s with you – so he doesn’t tear the house up when I’m not home. He’ll be fine.”

What I actually told her was, “Okay.  We can be there in about an hour.”

And off we went to pick Reggie up and bring him home.  He was fine.  I’ve seen his nose much worse.  At least he didn’t chew through a door this time like he did at a kennel a couple of years ago!

So as I sit here today, pretty much restricted to my little house on wheels because I can’t go anywhere and leave Reg home alone without him tearing the place up, here’s my view: 

He looks like he struggles from anxiety, doesn’t he?!  

He’s the very picture of “chill.”

I’m sitting here wondering, what’s the big deal here?  This dog is getting pretty old.  He’s still strong, and he loves to play, but in between, he just lies around and sleeps.  It’s a great life.  How can this dog that has spent most of the day doing exactly what he’s doing in that picture be so different when left alone?

The difference is that I am here.

It’s not as if I’m having a lot of interaction with the silly dog.  Mostly he’s just napping on the floor.  He occasionally moves to a different part of the floor.  This morning, he was napping on the couch beside me.  I’m not actively doing anything with or for Reggie. 

I’m just here.

And because I am here, he is at peace.  He can rest.

And the Lord impresses on my heart that I need to trust as Reggie trusts. 

This morning, this week, this month, this year…  I have not had the level of peace my dog is demonstrating in this moment.  I have been anxious.  Even as I am typing these words, a multitude of other thoughts are running around in my head – things I need to do, concerns for which I have no answers (including what to do with this sweet dumb dog when I need to go to the store or when I want to go for a run, or on Sunday when it’s time to go to church).

Anxiety tends to get the best of me.  I call it by different names, saying I’m "facing reality, figuring out logistics, looking at the big picture."  I have difficulty finding balance at times, because struggle is so much a part of life on planet earth.  And like it or not, sometimes I actually do need to figure out logistics…

Life is hard.

In my head, I know that God is with me.  He has promised to never leave me.  And it’s not a proximity issue, because He goes with me wherever I go.  Technically, He’s already there. 

And yet, I act like Reggie at the kennel, panicking, instead of resting like Reggie at home.  I can so quickly forget the lessons of the past and lose sight of the reality that God is WITH me, and He is FOR me, and He is working ALL THINGS for my good.

The moment I walk away, Reggie’s little dog brain may not be able to remember that I am coming back.  That makes me sad for him, because there’s nothing I seem to be able to do to help him rest at ease when his people are away. 

But my human brain SHOULD be able to remember that I have a God who never leaves me. 

My God is not going to take me anywhere and walk away.  Even when He seems silent, the reality is that He is not. He is there.  He is watching.  He has things under control.  I need simply trust.

And so, in this uncertain season, I’m going to try to learn a little lesson from my dog.  I’m going to try to remember that as long as my God is with me - and He always is – I can be at peace.

Perhaps, like me, you are prone to 'Reggie at the kennel' moments.  Rest today in the confidence that you are in the presence of a loving Father who has promised to never leave you or forsake you.

Rest well.

…Just a thought…

Redemption Story

But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you.  For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge.  Your people shall be my people, and your God my God.”  Ruth 1:16 ESV

I love the story of Ruth!  I love Ruth’s love and dedication to her mother-in-law.  I love her servant’s heart.  I love the way Boaz watched over Ruth and took care of her from the moment he met her, even though she was a stranger to him.  I love that Boaz ends up marrying Ruth and that in all of this Naomi, the mother-in-law, is cared for.  I LOVE a good love story!

But as I was reading the story of Ruth this week, it was not the love story that impressed me.  It was the redemption story.

The beginning of the book of Ruth tells us some important keys to understanding the depth of the story.

Elimelech and Naomi were Israelites.  They were from Bethlehem.  When famine came to their area, instead of waiting it out and trusting God, Elimelech and Naomi took their two sons and went to Moab. I realize that in times of scarcity, sometimes you just have to do what you have to do to survive, but historically speaking, Moab probably shouldn’t have been the place an Israelite couple would choose to go.  (See Numbers 22-25.)

But they went to Moab.  While there, Elimelech died, leaving Naomi with just her sons.  The boys married local girls, something the children of Israel had been specifically commanded NOT to do.  Within ten years, the boys were dead, and Naomi was left in Moab with two Moabite daughters-in-law.

As the story goes, the famine ends and Naomi decides to go back home.  The daughters-in-law try to go with her, but Naomi tells them they should stay.  One of them – Orpah – goes back to her family, but Ruth insists on staying with Naomi.  So Naomi and Ruth go to Bethlehem.

Upon their arrival, we see that Naomi seems to have become a sad, bitter woman.  In fact, I think she is simply honest, and repentant (Ruth 1:20-21).  Naomi understood that actions have consequences, and while we do not have details about the circumstances under which Elimelech and his sons died in Moab, Naomi did.  And she seems to feel convicted with regard to the path that her life has taken.

One of the things that always amazes me about the Lord is His readiness to forgive and to redeem!

Our mistakes and stupidity are no match for the redemptive nature of God!

And so, redemption comes for Naomi and Ruth.

Ruth is a foreigner.  Naomi’s son should never have married her, but he did.  Among the familial responsibilities for the Jews was that if a man died without a son, a relative was supposed to marry the dead man’s wife to provide offspring that would carry on the dead man’s name.  This seems a little weird to us, but it was a part of the Jewish tradition. 

So now, even though Ruth is from Moab, Boaz’s obligation as Naomi’s close relative sets the stage for Boaz to be able to marry Ruth.  And so he does.

It is a beautiful love story.  Ruth’s love for Naomi, that she would leave her own homeland and family to honor and care for her dead husband’s mother…  Her obedience to Naomi’s instructions that lays the groundwork for her eventual relationship with Boaz…  Boaz’s care for Ruth…  The two were married, and they lived happily ever after.  The end.

Well…  not THE end…

In Ruth 4:13 we read, “So Boaz took Ruth, and she became his wife.  And he went into her, and the Lord gave her conception, and she bore a son.”

That son was Obed.  Obed was the grandfather of David.  Ruth, the Moabite, was the great-grandmother of the psalmist, king, and giant-slayer.

This is the redemptive nature of our wonderful God!

From a foreign woman, who never should have been married to a Jew, came the shepherd who would be king.  She had no “right” to a good outcome, but God gave her a GREAT one!

I don’t know what mistake you’ve made that haunts you today.  I have a long list of things – the “would’ve, could’ve, should’ve” dissertation that plays constantly in my head and often leaves me wondering if life will always just be frustrating and if I will always feel defeated.  But the redemption stories leave me hopeful!

And that is my prayer for you today.  The same God who wrote Ruth’s redemption story is able and ready to redeem your story, too.  Walk in that confidence and rest in His love!

…Just a thought…