What Are You Waiting For?

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.  Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.     Ephesians 5:15-17 ESV

The passing of time is a funny thing.  Decembers seem to bring that home in some pretty intense ways.  Christmas cards and letters reveal how much children have grown and people have changed in the course of the year.  Christmas memories flood the mind as trees are trimmed and halls are decked.  And resolutions and ideas for the coming new year begin to form and take root.

As 2019 was coming to a close, I was looking forward with anticipation to a new year.  It had been a tough year with many painful changes (aren’t they all!), but I had a sense of optimism at a new year presenting a fresh start.  Having lived through 2020, that optimism seems quite funny, in retrospect…

But in my heart was an idea that I had hoped to pursue in the new year.  I was feeling led to write a Bible study curriculum, which I figured I would then present.  I wasn’t at all sure how that would be able to happen, my job and lifestyle not being conducive to any regular gathering with others.  Still I felt so called.

I remember conversing with my daughter about this – by text, most likely, as this is how we converse – and she suggested a vlog.  I pondered and considered, and it seemed to make sense.  It was one of those times, of which there have been many in my life, that I got excited and motivated.  In my head.  I remember doing a little research, reading some articles online, probably watching some sort of webinar…

And life happened.  I got distracted, bogged down with the next thing, and set the idea aside.

Missed opportunity.

Was the Lord preparing me to be of use in the craziness that was 2020?  I may never know.  It did not happen.  And today, I have a bit of regret.

But looking backward for very long is not the best use of my time.  I want to look back enough to find motivation, but not so long as to be consumed by the regrets…

I have always been prone to dreaming bigger dreams than I had the tenacity to pursue.  This grieves me, knowing that I have missed and wasted many opportunities in my not-so-short life.  In the recesses of my heart and mind are many things I thought I’d do… someday.  

There are the things I dreamed as a child that I would do when I grew up.  There are the things I dreamed when I was single that I’d do when I got married.  There are so, so many things I dreamed I would do with my children that we just never got around to doing, and now they are grown.

All through my home and storage are the beginnings of projects that I’ve never finished.  Somewhere in a box of fabric are the pieces of two green jumpers that I cut out for my daughter and me for Christmas 1999 or 2000.  I kind of doubt they’d fit us now, even if the jumper actually came back in style.  I have bags of fabric stashed by my bed in our little camper right now, each cut collected for a specific project that I had in mind. 

In the archives of this blog are more than twenty posts I’ve begun but never finished.  My laptop contains the beginning chapters of several books yet to be completed.  In one of my notebooks is a story I started for my grandson’s first birthday, and a few beginnings of chapters for other projects, along with lists of ideas for still other projects.  And that’s just one laptop and one notebook.  Somewhere there are stored floppy disks and CDs and portable drives and obsolete computers containing other projects long-abandoned.

You might say there’s a pattern here…

It is a pattern I want to break and that I feel very much called to change going forward.  Two questions plague my thoughts these days, and I pray that as I continue to ask these questions of myself, perhaps my path might move forward, and I will emerge from the holding pattern in which I’ve found myself stuck.  Maybe these questions can be of help to you, as well.

Question 1 comes from a nonchalant comment made by a very sick young girl that I saw on a television program earlier this year.  Though she was facing a dire prognosis, her simple question has both haunted and inspired me: “Don’t you want to see what happens if you don’t give up?”

The second question is something the Lord has begun to quicken to my heart more recently.  I’m sure my husband has asked me this question multiple times, and on some level, I guess I’ve asked myself before.  It’s finally sinking in, and the answer -- as my answer to most things these days – is that I do not know.  So question 2: “What are you waiting for?”

As I prepare to gladly put a very hard year to rest as 2021 is winding down, I can’t honestly say that I have much hope for the world to return to any level of normalcy or pleasantness in 2022.  And yet, there is a hope that is coming back to life in my soul.  Not that I have ever been without hope, but I’ve certainly been distracted and discouraged. 

Perhaps you can relate to some discouragement or "stuck-ness" of soul.  We are certainly living in hard and discouraging times.  But though much in our world has changed, our great God has not changed.

What are you waiting for?  Don't you want to see what happens if you don't give up?

I don’t know what I’ve been waiting for.  But I’m done waiting. 

And I really do want to see what happens if I don’t give up.

I’m going to try to implement Paul’s instructions to the Ephesians to make the best use of the time.  We’ll see how it goes!

…Just a thought…