If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. Psalm 139:11-12
There's been an essay circulating on social media lately that has gotten me thinking, or rather, that has occupied my thinking. (My husband will attest to the fact that I am never NOT thinking, lol!)
Before I go on, please understand -- this is not meant to be critical of either the essay or those who have shared it. I have read the piece several times. Some incredibly good points are made. It is thought-provoking, well-written, and pertinent.
With that disclaimer out of the way, let me share with you what I am talking about.
This season seems to be a season of struggle for so many people, including myself. Though we share some common struggles by virtue of the condition of things in our country and in our world, we each have individual issues that we are facing. I cannot help but recognize that in the grand scheme of stressful life events, if we rank them by severity, what I'm struggling with would rate closer to "minor inconvenience" than "earth shattering."
I remind myself of this regularly. In so doing, I attempt to minimize my feelings and rationalize them away, because compared to the friend who is facing a serious diagnosis, or who has lost a child, or who is caring for a sick loved one, my struggles seem so minute. When across the globe people are facing literal war, invasion, loss of freedom and life, I am incredibly blessed in my safe little cocoon here. So, I should just put on my big girl pants and be grateful.
I am -- grateful. I know that I am incredibly blessed. I know that so many people have much bigger problems than I.
My issue with the above-mentioned essay and other writings and memes conveying similar sentiments is simply this: the fact that other people/families/nations have "bigger" problems does not make my feelings any less real. And this is, I believe, where we must be careful. When I find myself facing worry and fear on any level, what I don't need is an extra push down "guilt trip lane." I've already been there. And you probably have, too.
I am a lifelong "feeling stuffer." I am a fan of Star Trek's Mr. Spock, preferring logic to emotion and feelings. But feelings are real. Emotions are God-designed, and ultimately unavoidable. So, when I again read the thought-provoking essay on how we should be thankful that we're not running from missiles or posting children's blood types on their school clothes, my first response was my typical one -- "*sigh* I have no right to complain or worry or be anxious when I have it so good *sigh* (guilty self-deprecating thoughts)."
But then, the Spirit whispered to my heart a simple comfort. "You feel what you feel." Our emotions are God-given. Just because my struggles are different from your struggles, and your struggles are different from those in war-torn countries, those feelings are valid and real. They need to be explored in the context of Scripture and prayer. In truth, most of our feelings are rooted in faith, or as is often the case for me, the lack of it. But the feelings are real, nonetheless.
We play the comparison game in every aspect of life, it seems. Social media often takes the old idea of "keeping up with the Joneses" to a whole new level! We find ourselves feeling inadequate, unloved, ugly, or some other variety of "less than." And I see in myself (and suspect that I am not alone) a tendency to fell "less" entitled to my feelings than others who are facing "greater" struggles.
And so, I am coming today to simply encourage you to let yourself feel what you feel. Cry if you need to cry. Whine if you need to whine. Complain, yell, scream, go for a 10-mile run, hit something (something soft, please!), take a nap, eat the whole container of ice cream, or whatever it takes. And don't feel guilty about it. Then take it to the Lord -- or take it to the Lord AGAIN, if you're like me. And keep taking it back to Him and talking to Him about it and crying to Him about it and whatever it takes, for however long it takes. Then get up and carry on.
Perspective is important, and incredibly valuable. That, I believe, is the true value of "information." (I do not call it "news" anymore, because that term has lost all meaning, as far as I can tell. But information -- true, important, accurate information -- helps us gain perspective and understanding.) So, I will keep reading the essays and the stories. And my heart will still break for the plight of the people who are hurting and struggling.
I'm just not going to keep beating myself up for being concerned about matters of seemingly lesser consequence. Because I feel what I feel.
Just know that as you struggle with the big things, I will pray for you. And even if you're struggling with "little things," I'll still pray for you.
Hang in there. God's still in control. He's big enough for your big fears and He's still concerned about the little ones too.
...Just a thought...
