You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:11 ESV
Confession: my prayer time hasn't been the best lately. While I prioritize my morning quiet times, getting my Bible reading done and keeping a few different devotional readings going, prayers these days have been shorter and shallower than I'd like to admit.
A couple of unrelated, random moments at church several Sundays ago kind of brought this to my attention, and I have been mulling it over ever since. My prayer time lately has just been a lot of me asking God for stuff. It's been a difficult season, and I'm finding myself way too needy! I've got loved ones who are facing hard stuff, and I often just feel weary and overwhelmed. And so, as has been my longtime habit, I whine about it all to God.
Now on one level, I think it's important to be continually in prayer, which means that whatever is on my mind is what I should be taking to the Lord. But beyond the ongoing silent dialogue, which is mostly just me asking, begging, whining, and complaining, I have been missing deeper connection. There's so much constantly going on in my head that I seldom make the effort to listen for what God might say in response.
I was reminded of an old song that probably few will remember.
Back in the '80s, Christian music videos were just beginning to be "a thing," and there were few outlets to view them. But for half an hour on Sunday afternoons, a young girl from a college I'd never heard of before or since hosted a little Christian video program. I thought it was the best thing ever!
But I digress...
The song that's been running through my head (with video) was a song by Lulu Roman Smith (who was famous for her role on Hee-Haw, if you're old enough to remember that show!) called "Shopping List." The song starts very much like many of my prayers lately:
LORD I NEED TO TALK TO YOU
THERE'S SO MUCH ON MY HEART
SO MANY BURDENS MAKES IT HARD
TO KNOW JUST WHERE TO START...
From there, she begins to lay out a "shopping list" of stuff she'd like to have - houses, clothes, cars, TVs, VCRs, etc...
GIVE ME THIS, I WANT THAT
BLESS ME LORD I PRAY
GRANT ME WHAT I THINK I NEED TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE DAY
MAKE ME WEALTHY, KEEP ME HEALTHY
FILL IN WHAT I MISSED
ON MY NEVER-ENDING SHOPPING LIST
While I have not consciously been making prayer all about what I think I need, on some level I guess I have. I am so aware of the craziness in the world around me, and the daily struggles are real. It's a strange and often difficult season. So those difficulties are on my mind, and I talk to the Lord about them.
And while I don't believe there is anything at all wrong with pouring out my heart to the God who loves me, I need to remember that if He never does anything else for me, He already gave His Son for me, and that is far more than I deserve. Sometimes, I just need to be reminded of that and take some time to really soak it in. And my frequent monologues of need don't really seem to qualify as quality time with the Lord.
Back in July I had the opportunity to spend a few days with my mama. The visit was not nearly long enough, as is always the case. But it was a good visit.
Now, I don't know what family visits look like for you. Most likely, there's a bit more activity involved than my typical visit with my mama. A good portion of our time together is spent sitting in her living room, reading. The TV may be on, though neither of us is really watching. There will be some conversation, but often it is quiet.
We have conversation over the phone daily. Generally, our calls are low information, consisting largely of discussing the lack of information we each have to add to the conversation. But our daily calls are simply about staying connected.
Visits are about being together.
And so that's what's been on my mind for the past few weeks - just "being." I'm trying to take some time to focus on just being with the Lord. It's hard because I am highly distractable. And it seems there is always something to do! And my mind continually races from one thought to the next 500, and along the way, as is my habit, I find myself asking the Lord for help with those 501 thoughts.
So this is my challenge to myself, and to you, if you can relate: just BE with God for a while. When those thoughts of need start to creep in, push them back for a moment. He already knows what you need anyway, and you can talk to Him about it later.
Take time to listen. If I can be still and quiet long enough, I find that God has not stopped speaking - I've just not been listening too well. When my mind starts to wander, I'm trying to learn to just express some gratitude for what God has already done and then quiet my thoughts again.
I'm a work in progress for sure!
But as much as I enjoy those times of companiable silence just being with my mama, I'm learning to crave more time just "being" with my Lord.
I don't know if this one makes any sense. Sometimes the longer I mull over something, the more I tend to ramble. But after all it's...
...Just a thought...
**Lyrics and info on "Shopping List" can be found at Shopping List Lyrics (larrybryant.com)
