Learning to Trust

But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."   2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV

I've started a few posts since last I was here, but none of them got finished and therefore did not get published. Which is kind of funny based upon my rereading of the one post that actually has been published in 2026! Most recently, I started writing a piece on losing momentum, which feels ironic since I started the year out with the goal of building momentum...

The truth is - I've been in a bit of a spiritual slump. I'm probably not supposed to admit that.

Oh well.

Back in January I embarked on my first extended fast. I had stumbled onto some videos touting the health benefits of fasting, and it seemed like a good way to kick off fitness goals for the new year. But also, I was feeling distracted, uncertain, uninspired, and in need of a spiritual boost, and the more I searched the Scriptures, the more it seemed that fasting was just what I needed to do.

I don't know that this fast really accomplished much, but it was during this fast that I learned that a friend had received a serious diagnosis, so I began to pray fervently on his behalf. I prayed through the fast and for the months that followed. 

I conversed with the Lord about the matter particularly while running and dedicated my big spring races to crying out to the Lord for the healing of this friend. Just before my 10-miler, I read that the illness had been deemed "terminal," so I spent 10 miles thanking God that He was not limited by medical terminology, and dreaming with Him about the testimony to come when the man deemed terminal would declare the miraculous healing to others. I genuinely believed that God was healing him, and I was thanking the Lord for that healing.

A little over a week after that race, he was gone.

And I was so confused.

It had never really occurred to me that God would NOT heal him.

I was shocked.

I was heartbroken for his wife, children, and grandchildren.

I was angry.

And I was, and at times still am, confused.

I began to ask the question:

Why pray?

If God's just going to do what He's already determined to do, what is the point of praying?

I gave myself all of the "Sunday School" answers. I know the right words to say if someone asked me that question. But suddenly, I wasn't satisfied with the Sunday School answers.

I can quote the verses. I can tell you what Jesus said about prayer. I can tell you what Paul said about prayer. I can tell you what the Bible says about how we should pray, how often we should pray, how long we should pray, and even what to do when we don't know how to pray.

But none of those passages seemed to adequately answer my question.

Neither did the passages about healing.

Even now, I still don't have an answer that fully satisfies me.

And maybe that's the point.

Because the ONLY answer to my questions is that God is GOD. He can do what He wants, how He wants, when He wants, and He doesn't need my permission, approval, or understanding. He is SOVEREIGN.

I am NOT God.

I am not omniscient.

I do not have to understand.

What I have to do is TRUST.

I'm in a re-learning process.

I pretty much stopped praying for a while, so I'm relearning how to pray.

I'm seeking. Clearly sovereignty, prayer, and healing must co-exist. I'm not sure I have the brain capacity to comprehend how, so again, the answer is TRUST.

Right now, I feel pretty inadequate to encourage others. I am believing that my great God will walk with me as I learn again to hear His voice and to simply trust His ways. I still believe that His grace is sufficient.

So, for now, the best I can offer you is this simple reminder:

God is God.

Trust Him.

...Just a thought...